There's a lot ahead of me this year. I'll (hopefully) start college in August/September. My final exams are in two weeks time.
Preparation.

I don't feel afraid yet. I thought I'd feel afraid of the future, college, work. It hasn't even hit me yet that I may not see a great deal of people, individuals close to my heart, for a very long time.

Except for one in particular, that ever-present She.

I am scared of not seeing her again.
I am scared of what I will do when I can't see her every day.
I am scared of telling her how I feel.

She's such a huge part of my life and she doesn't even know it. At least, I think she doesn't.

I hope she does.

I am all about the happiness of other people. I have a martyr complex. Though I still do like myself.
But. I just want them to split.
It's hard to write that.

Rather, I just wish He was never there, and We just Were.
I want it so badly. When I sat next to her in class (something that is now lost) I could feel the hairs on my arm reach, pull, and drag my hand to touch hers. Alas for the strengh of hair. . .

As with the previous post:

I cannot feel happy.

Point of Disgust

I'm coming down from the weekend. Highs have to be followed by Lows, I guess.

It came on all of a sudden. I had a tremendous friday and saturday. My sunday couldn't have been more relaxed.
Then it set in.
Some harrowing wave of sadness, of lonliness, cold enough to penetrate this heavenly weather.

I start to feel even more alone the more time I spend around my family. (which is odd because I love them.)

Old feelings I haven't heard from for years decided to drop by. They are not particularly welcome. I don't have much more to say than I already have.

Why is it that I always think the worst of what I don't know? Every time I don't get a response from a friend I automatically think they're trying to avoid me. Which may not even be the case, they could have just not heard me, or were too drunk to comprehend more than a fork, or just concentrating on something else.

I like to think those things. But I don't believe myself when I say them. It just reminds me of how different I am from most of the people I know.

I don't feel particularly close to anyone.

Not a soul.

I am very. Very. Sad.