Doing Alright,

Not quite so miserable as my last post!

I'm feeling pretty good actually. Those November emotions have for the most part passed and left behind a more aware and mature me. I'm still working a few kinks out, and they'll eventually fade away.

I think the real healing came from a friend recently who, understanding my situation, and understanding what he was saying, told me point blank: "Forget about her. You've got to." For this, I applaud him. I am not good at making decisions (which is quite evident, considering how long I've been keeping this nonsense in my life), so those words were something I genuinely needed.

Looking back, I can think of a couple of reasons why I kept the idea of her so close to my heart, but I think it was overall an elaborate fantasy, and not one that could be realised. It was never going to happen.

I have to be free of that self-inflicted poison, to attend college, and to uphold friendships.
I have newer issues to face, and barriers to overcome.
I have to live, now, in this reality.

Sure, I still wonder if I'll find someone whom I can share with, but it's not something that I'm going to allow to become a driving factor in my life. That time will come, and in the meantime I want to chill, hang out, and stay alive in the ways that I deem best.

So now I'm sitting alone on the floor of the apartment on a sunny day, listeing to Jimmy Eat World, and watching the clouds pass over the mountains.

This is heaven.