Anger

I was going to write a post about how I'm going to forget about trying to build relationships, or pull at nightclubs.

But they are pretty fucking stupid ideas.
At least, the first one is. Nightclubs, while kind of fun, are to me not somehere you go to bond with people. The engagements feel very forced. Plus, it's loud; there's no room for a chat. So when you're not dancing (I say "dancing", but the idea of going out to dance in a nightclub seems to have been dead for about 20 years), you can't talk because the music is too loud. It's boring! It's really, really boring.

Relationships. Well. I've never been in one. I want to be in one.

Apologies for the poorly-constructed posts. It's the depressive after-effects of alcohol kicking in. I'm angry.

I'm angry at the idea that I might have become quite fake.

Mysteries of the Night

It's true, I crave you. Give me shelter, show me heart.

How do you look after someone you care about while letting them live their own lives?

You can care. You can reap the benefit.

A lot has transpired since last July. I took the leap on occasion, asking someone if they'd let me be with them, care for them. It didn't work out. I haven't spoken to her since then. She doesn't want/need caring for.

"Why did she say no?"

Big question.

I came on too strong I guess.

I've spoken about how I don't believe that a woman can possibly care for me. Now though, I think it is possible, it was naive to think otherwise. The challenge is getting it to happen.

The right person at the right time.

Guys, I try, alright? I am myself around women. I joke, I play. I'm not a bad guy. What gets to me is the lack of response. The lack of understanding. I see it around me in other couples, they just "get" each other (or try very, very hard to), but it doesn't happen with the women I know, with the women I meet. I don't believe I'm that unattractive.

Whatever it is about finding this connection in people, it is hidden from me. And I dearly, dearly crave it.