We Are Of No Significance But That Which We Make For Ourselves

Man. I do not know what the heck I am doing. Right now I have a poorly-paid pretty cool electronics-related job and my only real obligation outside of going to the office every day is to study for an exam I've to take in mid-August (which isn't going too well right now).
I keep thinking I have something to say on here, like there's something floating around my brain that needs to be expressed. I think I've mentioned this type of quandary before. Maybe I'm just procrastinating.

I tried ecstasy for the first time a month ago. It was a terrific experience but I took away some true meaning from it: That there is nothing stopping me from feeling this good and this alive all of the time. I still spend a lot of time curbing my actions based on the worry of how people will react, which blunts my perception of who I am and the world I think I live in. I really need to break out of that cycle. I don't do it all the time. I guess hanging around certain people brings out the Me in me, and hanging around other certain people stifles the Me in me. I think this is because I don't think they deserve to know the real me. Weird. But righteous! I'm not Wrong in thinking this, if I don't think someone deserves to know me then so be it. Fuck 'em. "They don't know me!" Aheh.
But yeah. The X was awesome. Just a realisation of peace and love for everyone. And confidence, confidence to say what was on my mind for better or worse. I could still filter my thoughts, I was still in control. It was just sharper, better realised control. Nothing has to change when I sober up. It's a brilliant thought. But not just a thought! A reality!

Noting all this: I really need to get out of my current town and move to the capital. My life here has stagnated somewhat, I knew that this time last year. I have one more year of college and after that, whatever I do, I'm moving out of this town. I'd love to work abroad, somewhere else in Europe.
I'm moving out of this town and away from these people. I'll visit them from time to time, but that's all they get of me anymore. I have thought of how incredible it would be to live with my old friends in the capital, and how I might grow weary of them the way I have of my friends here. Right now, I don't believe that would happen. I understand those people and they understand me. I recall I made a big deal about the fact that myself and my old friends somehow have an innate superlative ability to communicate effectively. I can say that after three years of college and dealing with potentially hundreds of new people, I have not met anyone (our age) that can communicate and connect with strangers as well as I or my old friends can. Yeah, I gave myself Big Ups there. Feels good. I know, I know, there's the thing that if you feel need to tell people you are good at something, it revokes your qualification to make such a statement. I just think it's an astute observation. Me an' me mates. Weeeeey.

I think I'm in the middle of an emotional growth spurt, which I think is why I can't quite think of stuff to write about, even though I feel I have something to say. I can't definitively write about the spurt until I come out the other side of it!

I applied what I learned in my teens to college and I definitely did well there, on the social side of things. Except for the virginity. But I'm working on that, don't you worry! That's another thing about this realisation that I can feel good all the time, I got a lot of confidence out of it. I think I can "do better" on nights out and the like. Just plain talk to everyone who'll listen. Find interesting women. There's lots out there. Heck, I haven't even been looking and several have fallen into my lap! So what happens if I actually look?! Exciting!

Exciting times, guys. As I said: growth spurt. Feels good. Ride the wave.

I love you all.