The Building Empties

I've noticed a thing. From what I've seen on facebook, it seems pretty clear that the people I know quite well are the people  who are least online. Like, on most evenings the majority of them are clearly taking advantage of the good weather we're having at home, or at least elsewhere engaging in real conversation.
To me, it's a clear example of how the type of people you can love, and the type of people who are just like you, can gravitate towards you. Most, if not all, kids and teenagers worry about whether people like them, but this is the wrong way to go about things. If you persue your own interests, the kind of people you will end up knowing for the rest of your life will just gravitate toward you.

God this is a cheesey post. Truths are like that I suppose. Everyone knows the answers to their problems, but have trouble facing them.
The cheese doesn't end, ugh!

The first thought up there had just occurred to me, I thought I'd write it down. I like to know that the people closest to me are away bettering themselves, either by reading, talking to a person face-to-face, or even watching TV or a movie on their laptops but disconneted from the Internet. I don't think many people in Ireland get it just yet, but there will soon come a time when it really becomes a problem that everyone is online all the time. Heck, I read an article about one of the founders of Google giving a graduation speech to a bunch of university students about the importance of switching off their computers or closing their laptops. He actually urged them to go and talk to someone face-to-face, as if this was something that really isn't happening enough. That is just crazy to me.
I just breezed through another article about job-seeking, advising Americans how to jobseek. Fine, no problem, but: the premise was that people weren't going out and handing in CVs themselves, and that this was considered going "above and beyond" the call of Jobseekers.

That is absurd.

How can it have come to the point that millions of people consider it acceptable to simply post a CV online, or e-mail it out of the blue to a company and expect a job to fall into their laps? It's only common sense that meeting someone with your CV in hand is the best way to go for applying for a job. I've always done it, my friends have always done it, and none of us have ever questioned it.
This whole thing was on theartofmanliness.com, and dressed accordingly; it was "manly" for one to "hit the pavement". No. It is "basic procedure" for one to "hit the pavement".

/rant. The whole thing rubbed me the wrong way. It seems like every time I read a column on useful advice, all I can think is "I do all of this, but I DON'T FEEL ANY BETTER FOR IT!" I think I'm more angry at the fact that advice is listed online, and that people should just know about it. Maybe I feel it's letting other people cheat and come to those conclusions without arriving at them themselves?

I dunno. Ah the advice is good, of course. The best one (that I found online) was one I saw recently about not letting what I think about a given situation ruin what it might become, to stop making assumptions about what people think and just go with it.

I've always felt that my gut instinct was to not trust my gut instinct. It's time to start listening to that.

What We Mean To Each Other

I don't want to befriend her again. I want to meet anew, for us to see what we mean to each other.

This is impossible.

This Is How An Angel Dies

I've been thinking of this new idea.
That I love people too much.

There is a real block in front of me when it comes to talking to every woman I meet.

Let me tell you, I hate thinking this of myself. That I can't talk to women. For fuck sake, I'm 20. Why the fuck do I still struggle with this. By and large, they are the same as me. They're as intelligent, as awkward as me.

I run conversations through my head. "You're so nice and gentlemanly, and fun to be around! How do you not have a girlfriend yet?" I dunno buddy, I guess I'm just ugly. (half joking) I think the real reason is that I don't see women as "just like me"; I still revere them. Every one I meet is more interesting, more intelligent, more fun than I am. And that intimidates me.

I don't want to choose a girl. I want them to choose me.

I think that is counter to everything in me, and the world, that is masculine. No matter how liberal or equal-rights minded you can be, it is the man who must choose the woman. I think that is fundamental to human instinct.
There is lot to be argued about this in that it's quite a sexist way of thinking. But listen; I think this is the natural way of things. It doesn't have to mean that Man is better than Woman. That's a stupid idea. For proof all you have to do is ask a man who is in love. Ask him what would happen if for the slightest second his woman gave an inkling that they might not be intersted in them? They feel jealousy and rage, true rage. The Man may choose the Woman, but the woman controls so much. The inverse is true, of course. However, I think the man is more willing to console the woman if this is the case. If the man thinks he has done something wrong, he will break himself in his efforts to make things right.

I love women too much. I don't want to con them into thinking I'm great. I want them to love me for who I am.
Yeah I've met two women who fit the bill. To be honset, I think I may have a shot with either. I think I just need to bite the bullet again and make a move. And by make a move I mean be frank with them. Come hell or high water. Make or break friendships. To not give a fuck about the outcome.

I want what I want.

Maybe I should cry for help.
Maybe I'm a different breed.
Maybe I'm the missing link.

Just Ask

I have recently moved to Angers, France, in order to undergo some work experience. While I thought I had some idea of what I was getting into, I realised I was really just psyching myself up without paying attention to what I might have to do here.
As a result, I now see how underqualified I really am to work in any field of even mildly advanced electronics. Even though the other guys I'm working with are my age and in the same course, it's like I'm a 1st year dropped into a 4th year project. I am in a little over my head.

This really got to me during the two weeks prior to this last one.

I was horribly nervous in work, the language barrier bothering me, worried that I would be seen as the "stupid Irishman" amongst these well-educated higher-up-in-the-course French students. Last Monday I bit the bullet and just asked some simple questions about the material I was working on (that I was too nervous to ask before), and now I feel like a million fucking quid. As predicted, I'm surrounded by prefectly reasonable people, who have no qualms about helping if I just ask.
It's so stupid, all it took was some basic confidence. I will say that this revelation to "Just ask" came from steadily drinking Jameson all weekend. Oddly, unlike the effect Jack Daniels has on me now, it didn't make me horribly depressed. I felt emboldened after sobering up, having drunkenly thought through what I was worrying about all this time. It was sort of the equivalent of having a wonderfully drunk deep conversation with your mates and coming away with positive thoughts. Heh.

Of course, when it comes to women, biting that bullet and Just Asking might not work out so well. But at least you tried, and you know, there's a lot of energy in that.

On second thoughts, maybe, more often than not, it does work out well.

All you have to do is ask.

(Possibly with a few pints on you.)